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5 Years

So I am sitting here, here being London - 315(ish) miles away from my family, halfway through the NHS Hack Day and having a bit of a personal crisis. I often have these little episodes but this one has been languishing in my dusty old head for a good while - refusing to go away, nagging me every time I have a chance to ponder things. It's the same old thing - why am I doing any of this stuff I do? I don't generally get a great amount of opportunity in work to really stretch my creative urges. That sort of thing happens on my own time and therefore given my other responsibilities (my wife, family and lifes associated activities) is done under a fairly tight deadline. Add this to the fact I bore easily of things that aren't really benefiting people immediately - I tend to flit, easily, between little unfinished projects. But wait.... I did it again. You see back there, about 2 sentences ago I just sidelined my entire life. Thrown between two looming brackets I relegated my wife and family to a byline yet again. Oy vey.

And this brings me, neatly enough, to the point of this entire ramble.

Five years ago I married my awesome wife and in that time I've done a heap of things - relocated twice, had two kids bought a house, got promoted, pissed everyone off, seen a few countries and bought/traded three cars (which get smaller every time oddly enough). And through all this hopping around my wife has been the one true constant. She thinks, most of the time, I don't care about her - after all I'm in London participating in a hackathon on our 5th wedding anniversary because I stupidly didn't put two and two together and notice the clash. So yeah it may damn well seem like she comes in a close second to my hobby/career stuff (you know the stuff I already mentioned was pulling into crisis mode). But it's not true. I can't help the fact I am "emotionally retarded", as my sister once called it, but perhaps once in a while I really should let her know that she means more than she thinks she does. And here it is. A little bit of emotional letting if you will.

Dear Emma - happy anniversary, I hope we have plenty more, thank you for putting up with me, you're aces.

Published in Random on May 25, 2012